As some of you have noticed, I don't write heavy tech pieces. There are hundreds of amazing tech writers out there. Most of them are much better at articulating the finer aspects of that side. My focus, is more on the human interaction side of this world.
Keep in mind, I am still considered a recovering knucklehead. I have managed to gain wisdom the hard way. My people skills are still not exemplary. But, I am more than willing to share the stuff that I have learned on this journey --- things that I absolutely know for a fact.
For the better part of twenty years, I lived and breathed production work. I lived for the shows, the studio work, the installations and those rocking Sunday morning services. I had regular bands I mixed for. I had a full schedule and an impressive résumé. Eighty-hour weeks were normal. It was my life. Or so I thought.
The subject of balancing your work and family life rarely comes up when people need you. When someone is making good money for your work, or the church can't function without you, they hesitate to question those priorities. Maybe not intentionally, but that's the fact.
"Rode hard and put up wet." That was how one pastor talked about my work load. He knew how much demand was on me, but he had just as much on him. Neither of us knew where to draw lines or how to disconnect. We were making things happen. We were the movers and shakers of our community. Somehow, he did better at managing his family. He wasn't the one who was handed divorce papers after twenty years of marriage. I was.
There's a line that rolls around in the church, "God first, family second and ministry after that." I am not saying it's wrong, but it needs clarification.
These are my questions. How do we love God? How do we prove our love for Him? What do we have to do, to actually put God first? Is it our hours of service? Is it by being in church whenever the doors are open? Is it in our giving? What does that really mean?
After the four years it took to save my family and win my wife back, I had some revelations.
There are only two real covenants in every married Christian man's life: your salvation and your marriage. Salvation occurred when you responded to the sacrificial love of a Savior that gave up everything for you, regardless of who you were. You recognized that love, and in response, committed your life to Him.
Marriage occurred when you made a similar effort for your bride. According to Ephesians 5:25, that's how it is supposed to happen. We are to love our wives the same way Christ loved us. Selflessly. Sacrificially. Doing whatever it takes to win the bride and do what is best for her. We were the sole mission of Christ. He had no priorities above us. I believe, as Christian husbands, we are to do the same.
My wife is my priority. Her needs come before anyone else, including mine --- including whatever job I have, including whatever ministry I am working with. Nobody has the right to tell her to wait. Nobody has the right to interfere with my marriage.
If I had to guess, I would assume that around 90% of church techs don't see it this way. They see their service to the church as equal to serving God. But, according to first Corinthians 13, if we don't love, none of it matters. We have wasted our time. We are just making noise. That tells me how important it is for us to understand love.
The last words recorded, that Jesus spoke to Peter, told him what to do. He told Peter that if he loved Him, he would "feed His sheep." Essentially care for the bride of Christ. He told Peter to prove his love, by loving others. Not by being the best fisherman in town. Not by wearing the right clothes. Not by doing any of the things we tend to get hung up on.
Peter was told that the best way to love God, was by loving and caring for His bride.
Even Jesus, when asked about the two highest commandments, said to love God and love each other. That's Christianity in a nutshell. It doesn't get any simpler than that.
So, what about those priorities?
We need income. The bills have to be paid. But, our job isn't our priority. We do it with excellence, to provide for our family. That extra car payment, the massive cable bills, the garage full of toys... None of that should force us to work excessive overtime. If it doesn't benefit our family, is it worth the effort and cost?
We need to be connected to our church. But if the church keeps adding more and more responsibility, it can quickly eliminate valuable time with our families. Those kids won't be kids forever. That wife will only be neglected for so long before she begins questioning her own life. Too often, we make tremendous effort to minister to others, while our own family suffers.
Coach McCartney, of Promise Keepers, said something that affected me heavily. "I can tell everything I need to know about a man, by the countenance on his wife's face." Is momma happy? Does she know that she is the most important person in your life?
Don't let yourself fall victim to the traps. Don't get so busy serving others that you neglect the ones that depend on you. Don't allow anyone or anything, to interfere with your family. It's not worth it.
Prove your love for God, by becoming a great husband and father. Leave a legacy for them. When they become your first ministry, everything else falls into order.
