Everybody has that space that we could best describe as "backstage". It might be, in a large church, the big area that is literally behind the stage area. It might be, in a small chapel like mine, the hallway to the baptistry and the AC units. It's where you stash all that extra stuff that you don't know what to do with; broken light fixtures, a mic stand with no head, the eight channel mixer that you replaced with the sixteen channel mixer a few years ago. You know, the place where we stash stuff the stuff we don't want people to see and where we hide out when we don't want to be seen. (Oh c'mon! We've all done that.)
There was a time in my life when I used the backstage of the church to hide something bigger about myself. In fact, I began my church production life hiding behind the scenes. You see my wife became a Christian while I was away in school for audio and video production. When we came back together she started going to church. At first, I just totally avoided going but eventually I felt I needed to go to support her. I went for her baptism. While I was there, I found out that they needed help in the sound booth. I thought I could be a supportive husband but not really be part of the "church thing."
The church was an old school A-frame design and the booth was in the rafters and looked down on the stage. You had to climb and ladder and walk across boards to get to the little room. It was totally isolated and I felt safe up there. This was before video was used extensively and all you could do up there was listen to the message. (This was before the age of smart phones.) A few times I was completely certain that the pastor knew that I wasn't a believer and his message was targeted directly at me. I held my ground, though. I told my wife that I was never going to become a Christian unless a bolt of lightning came out of the sound board and hit me in the head!
Looking back on that time, I realize that I was no different that all of that broken stuff that was stashed away backstage where no one could see. Ultimately, I wasn't hiding from the church people. I was trying to hide from God. I had no idea that it says in His word:
"Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? declares the Lord. Do I not fill heaven and earth? declares the Lord." Jeremiah 23:24 (ESV)
Yes, God got to me in that booth. I can't really explain it, but on that morning the pastor gave a salvation message. As I was wrapping up mic cables, he asked if his message made sense to me. I said, "Yes." He asked if there was anything stopping me from giving my life to Christ. I said, "No." The rest is history. I was pulled from the backstage. Within a few years, I would become a pastor and be placed on the front of the stage. A broken piece of production equipment, cleaned up, repaired and placed into service.
Maybe this sounds a lot like you? You might be staying behind the scenes so no one knows that you have something to hide. There is at least One who knows the truth about all of us. This does not mean that you need to become a pastor or even leave the booth. It does mean that it's time to give God the hidden things. Pray about it and ask Him to forgive you. Step into His light.