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Silence is rarely interpreted as appreciation—if you’re thinking it, say it.
If you are ever reading through any of Paul’s epistles, one thing that stands out quickly in almost all of them is often how he took the time to provide encouragement, affirmation, and support to the congregation to which he was writing.
Contrast that with many of us in the church tech world who struggle with those very same things.
Sow generously in people, and trust God with the return.
Maybe it’s because of whatever side of our personality is more reserved and introverted, and we have a hard time sharing or verbalizing certain feelings. Maybe we just naturally don’t feel as effusive or bubbly as others. Maybe we just feel uncomfortable or awkward whenever we try to show gratitude towards others. Or maybe we just think that everyone should feel appreciated until I tell them that I don’t appreciate them, and that if my feelings ever change I will let them know.
Whatever the case, I think we can sometimes struggle with knowing how to tell others that we appreciate them and are thankful for their role in our lives, and this can be especially evident for the teams we serve with in technical ministry.
The culture of your team starts with what you model.
Ironically, our roles often sit in the shadows and suffer from a lack of appreciation or acknowledgement from senior pastors and leaders, leaving us to feel ignored, marginalized, or neglected.
But as a leader, even if I feel overlooked by my own leaders, I would never want the people on my team feeling that way. And if I am the leader, I’m the one who most greatly controls whether or not they ever feel appreciated or affirmed.
We have all doubtless heard the saying, “Be the friend you want to see in others.” In essence, if you want to receive something relationally from someone, you may first need to model that in your relationships with others, and eventually you may reap what you sow.
Paul himself says this (in a slightly different context) in 2 Corinthians 9:6 (NIV): “Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously.”
Sometimes the most spiritual thing you can do is tell someone they’re doing a great job.
So for all the times we feel under-appreciated and ignored, maybe the best thing we can do is to ensure that those around us don’t feel that way in their relationships with us. I can’t control what others do to me, but I can control what I do to others.
I can be the friend (or encourager) to others that I want someone to be to me.
Paul spent years pouring emotional energy and gratitude into his churches and those he mentored. Sometimes they were grateful to him, and sometimes they neglected or disappointed him. But when he ended up spending time in jail, even when he was nearing the end of his life, he faced the reward of all of that relational investment, when people visited or wrote to bring him encouragement and to uplift his spirits.
It maybe didn’t happen immediately, but he was eventually able to reap what he sowed, and God provided it in seasons where he really needed it.
I may struggle with knowing how to provide encouragement, support, and gratitude to others, but with the guidance of the Holy Spirit, He can give me the power and ability I need to do it. He can provide courage and confidence when I lack it, and He can give me the words I need when I don’t know what to say.
The catch is that I need to make this action a priority. How can I intentionally use my time and energy to uplift those around me?
When I make it an intentional thing and seek God’s guidance for how to overcome any natural shortcomings or struggles in it, I believe that He will give me the opportunities and the right words. And the more I make it a habitual practice, the easier it will get over time.
Plus, the more I do it to others, the more (I believe) God will bring people into our lives to do it for us.
He can use all of us, regardless of our personalities or inclinations, to add light and value into the lives of others. And I believe that He can also use anyone to do the same to us.
But maybe sometimes I need to take the first step to be the encourager that someone else needs.
