Technical people often move quickly to what is practical, but ministry requires us to notice what is personal.
When we see a problem or obstacle, many of the emotions of empathy take a backseat to whatever is practical. When does it have to be done? What’s the budget? How is it supposed to work? Who is in charge? Why does it have to be done by Tuesday? Where do I deliver the finished product?
Very rarely are we going to look at a situation and be naturally compelled to say to someone, “Tell me how you’re feeling right now.”
One of the challenges of being a task-minded individual is that when something needs to be done, it is rather easy to overlook the human side of everything. We forget about who is impacted, what their feelings are, why they have a desired output, and how our actions affect their emotional state for better or worse.
Being good at fixing things does not excuse us from being careless with people.
We immediately launch into “get it done” mode and disregard the human element. And if we’re already struggling with EQ or social awareness in our native state, then a stressful or high-speed situation just exacerbates that.
Not long ago I was reading a commentary on the book of John, and something was pointed out that I’d never considered before.
Likely all of us are familiar with the story of Jesus raising Lazarus from the dead, and we’ve probably proudly referenced John 11:35 many times when we needed to point out the shortest verse in the Bible as part of some sort of trivia contest.
It’s nine letters, a space, and a period, but it carries great profundity.
Jesus wept.
That verse is commonly used as a way to show the human side of Jesus, that even though He was fully God, He was also fully man, and possessed the full range of emotions that one would display upon the death of a close friend.
But what’s interesting is that He didn’t weep after hearing that Lazarus died. His emotions came after hearing Mary and others pour out and display their grief.
Empathy may not come naturally to every technician, but that does not make it optional.
What this commentary pointed out was that there was no logical reason why Jesus had to weep. He was there to raise Lazarus from the dead! Nobody needed to be sad; Lazarus was about five minutes away from walking around again!
Jesus just needed to show up, stride straight to the tomb, and do His thing. He really didn’t even need to acknowledge everyone’s feelings, and at the least, He could have just told everyone to chillax and pipe down because the weeping wasn’t necessary.
But that’s not what He did.
While He was there to “fix” a problem, and create a solution, He could have downplayed, minimized, or ignored the feelings of everyone involved. But He stopped to listen, to feel, to understand. He intentionally took the time to make sure that the people there felt acknowledged or comforted.
And what a great lesson for all of us “solution-minded” folks to learn.
When I show up at a meeting or a service to perform a task or solve a problem, it’s easy to brush aside the folks in the room.
I might ignore a volunteer who’s trying to fix something, nudge them out of the way, and do it myself before silently walking off.
Maybe I provide rapid-fire feedback in a planning meeting, quick to explain all of the reasons why something won’t work and pointing out how bad and untenable all of the ideas are.
Or perhaps it’s a coworker approaching for last-minute help, and instead of providing grace for their situation I gruffly blow off the pleas because of the inconvenience involved in addressing them.
In these situations, or any others like them, I have a choice: do I head straight to the problem and ignore the feelings of anyone in the room, or do I take a minute to try and understand people’s thoughts and perspectives first so they feel heard and felt?
It may not be natural for me to be empathetic, and it may not be natural for me to be a good listener. But just because those aren’t easy for me doesn't mean I get the right to ignore those attributes and not even try.
Just because I don’t “have” a mercy gift doesn’t mean that I don’t have to hold my tongue when I’m frustrated, and just because I’m not a “people-person” doesn't mean that I’m absolved of trying to encourage a volunteer who made a critical mistake.
When Jesus wept, He wasn’t just showing His humanity. He was also showing us the importance of connecting with people in the moment, not just rushing past them to get a job done.
Sometimes the most important thing isn’t the thing itself. It’s how people feel when I’m doing the thing. Do they feel heard? Seen? Valued? Accepted? Forgiven?
The worst thing would be to become the kind of person who’s great at solving problems, but has a trail of damaged people and relationships in their wake, just because we were never able to remove our blinders and feel the feelings of those we were passing by.
If we can’t take a moment to listen to the hearts of those around us, that then becomes something truly worth weeping over too.
