Photo by White Malaki on Unsplash
Serving out of sight can quietly lead to loneliness, bitterness, and spiritual exhaustion.
For the technicians and artists who always serve behind the scenes, often overlooked and unrecognized, we can see our literal “serving in the darkness” of a black booth or backstage corridor and attach an additional unhealthy metaphorical weight to that.
Maybe we use that darkness as a way of justifying thoughts or actions that we think are unnoticed and insignificant.
Perhaps we think that we can gossip about coworkers or complain about ministry leaders because it’s all behind the scenes and we’re “just venting.” Maybe we think that we can cross lines of propriety in our personal lives and start allowing sinful habits, actions, or addictions to creep into our regular behavior, justifying it as “not a big deal” because “I’m not a pastor or anything.”
The shadows can become a hiding place not just for our work, but for our hearts.
Maybe it’s a heart that has started to become cynical or bitter and has allowed unforgiveness to grow, or maybe we’ve started to coast a bit with our effort or definition of “excellence” because we’re convinced no one will notice.
Being in the dark can sometimes be convenient when we’re trying to use it as a cloak to cover or hide something that we think others don’t need to know.
Sometimes, though, serving in the darkness leads to a feeling of loneliness.
We feel neglected, isolated, and overlooked, despite our long hours of investment, and that can sometimes lead to deep ministry wounds. We can easily ask God why we feel called to do something like this when we just get so minimized or unappreciated and wonder why he’s allowing us to go through something this challenging.
Or maybe we even feel like God is distant, like maybe we’ve somehow earned his ambivalence for not being perfect or not trying hard enough or not always having a perfect attitude amidst the frustration and pain.
"The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it" - John 1:5
Serving in literal darkness can sometimes take on additional spiritual and emotional feelings that we’re not meant to carry.
In the book of Ezekiel, the prophet repeatedly has harsh words for the pastors and leaders of Israel, who have repeatedly neglected their duties to lead the nation effectively.
God asks Ezekiel a question in chapter 8, verse 12, and immediately gives an answer: “Have you seen what the elders of Israel are doing in the darkness . . . ? They say, ‘The Lord does not see us.’”
When it’s dark, it’s easy to think your actions are hidden, which is what the elders were doing. They were convinced they could do what they wanted because the Lord didn’t notice. Never mind the fact that they were called to serve and lead.
They had been so careless in protecting themselves from sinful thoughts and actions that they eventually tried to even justify their bad decisions by stating that God didn’t even notice or care.
Is that the darkness I’m living in as a ministry servant? That I’ve somehow allowed my heart to become so calloused and indifferent to purity and integrity that I justify cutting corners because God couldn’t possibly care enough about me in my role to hold me accountable for that?
Or maybe they saw it slightly differently: that God was no longer paying attention to them, so it really didn’t matter anymore what they did, and they were free to follow their heart’s cravings.
Is that how I feel in ministry? Maybe I feel so neglected and unheard by God that I might as well cast restraint to the wind because He doesn’t care about me anyway?
We would all do well to remember the words of David in Psalm 139:12, which states that “even the darkness will not be dark to you . . . for darkness is as light to you.”
There is always a way back into the light, no matter how long you’ve been in the shadows.
Maybe you feel overlooked and abandoned because you serve in the shadows. This verse can be an encouragement to you then: God sees all, He knows all, and He knows your heart and efforts.
He appreciates you, He loves you, and He will use you to be a blessing and make a difference in your world, even if you don’t feel a regular sense of validation or affirmation from the people around you. What you are doing matters, even if no one around you sees it, because He does!
But perhaps you’re in a dark place right now, mentally and spiritually, because you’ve convinced yourself that you can say and do things you shouldn’t, all in the name of being hidden by the shadows in which you serve.
The good news is that there’s always a way out, and there’s always a path of restoration and redemption through the grace and mercy of our Lord. And no matter where we’ve gotten ourselves, we’re never too far gone.
As John 1:5 (NIV) reminds us, “The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.”
We may physically serve in the darkness, but that doesn’t mean we have to live there. We can all step into the warmth and acceptance of the light of God’s glory!
