One of the most challenging dynamics of leading teams is managing the atmosphere and attitude of the team. Whether the team is on a platform or in the booth, a positive culture is a necessity for a healthy, growing team. The challenge is deciphering what to do when a team member is showing negative or toxic behavior. We all understand negativity, but what is toxicity? It’s an attitude or perspective that fights against the vision, mission, or values of the church or team. In this article, we will explore how to identify toxicity in the team, how to shift it, and when a hard decision needs to be made.
How do I know if a person is a toxic/negative team member?
Not all people that seem negative are actually negative. Here are a few questions to ask to decide if a person is toxic on the team:
First, is this person being negative, or is the person simply showing some flaw in the system? Often highly detail-oriented people will point out issues with a situation or system being discussed. This actually may not be negativity, it simply may be the person trying to be helpful. Different perspectives or suggestions aren’t the enemy, as long as they are pushing toward the same goal and handled in the right manner. That helpfulness may seem negative simply because they are bringing to light things the leader has not thought through. A helpful example might be, “Hey, I don't think that will work the way you want it to because…” A negative or toxic comment could be, “Wow, that might be the dumbest idea on the planet, that will never work. Why don’t we just set the building on fire and dance naked around the communion table because that makes more sense than what you are suggesting.” Sometimes negative people are trying to be helpful, but they lack the self-awareness to see what they are doing is inappropriate. Having a conversation outside of the moment when the negative comment was made might be all that needs to happen if the heart of the team member is in the right place.
If a person is usually positive, but on a specific Sunday morning seems more negative than usual, they may not be toxic, but struggling with a decision being made or something that has nothing to do with church. This is a great opportunity to care for that person. Grab a cup of coffee with them or lunch after church and ask how they are doing. Ask how they feel on the team and how life in general is going. There may just be something that needs to be talked about.
What Needs to Happen With A Toxic Person On The Team?
First, explain the vision and values. When a person is displaying toxic, negative behaviors and it’s clear this isn’t a one-time issue, the person needs to be taught that part of serving on the team means committing to the vision and values of the team. One of those values should be displaying a positive attitude towards others on the team and the goals of the ministry. A background vocalist can’t look annoyed on Sunday because he/she doesn’t like a specific song and a sound engineer can’t act like a drummer is bothering him/her because they need something changed in their monitor. Everyone should understand the value of positivity and servant leadership.
Secondly, be prepared with examples of what needs to change. The person may not be self-aware enough to see what the leader is confronting. The leader needs examples he/she has witnessed. Don’t bring someone else's experience or opinion of the person into the conversation unless that person is present in the conversation. This keeps the conversation clean, fair, and lacking any gossip.
Lastly, help them understand they do have value on the team. Often, conversations like this can deflate a person’s desire to serve. Being told there needs to be an attitude adjustment is never fun, but it needs to be clear at the beginning and end of the conversation that they have a place on the team and they matter.
What Happens If Nothing Changes?
Navigating a team member who is unwilling to make the adjustments necessary to serve on the team is difficult. The hard reality of team dynamics is that, if I can’t remove a team member, I can’t protect the team. While removing a team member is hard, especially when they volunteer their time, if the leader won’t remove an unhealthy team member, then the leader is not protecting my team. If nothing changes after a conversation, a second can be had. In that second conversation, it should be made clear at the end that the behavior must change to continue to serve. If after two conversations nothing changes, share with the pastor over the department what has been done and the need to remove them and let them. The pastor should be present for a third conversation to remove them until something changes. While this is hard, it can be necessary.
The overwhelming majority of the time people have less self-awareness than we give them credit for. When we see someone responding toxically or negatively it may be because they simply don’t realize how they are acting or being perceived. Leading teams requires hard conversations, but if the leader is willing to have those conversations, listen to the team members, and do what it takes to protect the team, then the team will ultimately thrive.
