Photo by Jed Villejo on Unsplash
Without intending to, I recently stumbled across some information regarding a study undertaken by Harvard that apparently began back in 1938. It started with 724 participants and in the 85 years since has swelled to over 1300. The goal of the study: to discover what makes people thrive and develop a deep sense of happiness.
According to a book whose contents are based off the results of the study, researchers determined that the one thing that seemed to be key in helping individuals ensure a high level of health and happiness was their decision to pursue “warm and meaningful relationships” resulting in “meaningful human connection.”
...why does it seem to be so difficult for us in the church tech world to actually make it happen?
As the authors explained in an interview which was then quoted in an industry magazine, “Really, what you need is somebody in your life who you can call on. We think that everybody needs at least one person in their life who they feel is a safety net for them…who would have their back if they were really in trouble.” It was then noted that people without that level of support can end up chronically stressed, according to data gathered.
For those of us with a Biblical foundation, we are probably thinking that Harvard could have saved themselves a lot of time on their study by just reading a few Bible verses! Psalms and Proverbs repeatedly emphasize the wisdom of surrounding ourselves with advisors and positive influences who can provide guidance and support.
And Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NIV) is probably one of the more well-known passages that speak to the value of close relationships:
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.”
We work long hours, eight days a week, and often struggle to prioritize personal health, rest, Sabbath... The end result can be isolation, loneliness, high stress levels, and for many, burnout on ministry.
But even if this all seems relatively common sensical, why does it seem to be so difficult for us in the church tech world to actually make it happen?
In roles that are nearly always defined by busyness and high workload, it is easy to just get carried along by the current of ministry and the ebbs and flows of events, projects, and maintenance. We’re constantly working, day in and day out, with our heads down, just trying to stay afloat. Before long, we look around and weeks or months have passed without realizing it.
We work long hours, eight days a week, and often struggle to prioritize personal health, rest, Sabbath, vacations, hobbies, and family time. The end result can be isolation, loneliness, high stress levels, and for many, burnout on ministry.
It’s so easy to stay busy, but it’s so hard to step back from the workload and build healthy relationships with our peers, whether they’re at our own ministry or in another organization in the industry.
Is it because we’re busy? Or maybe we blame our lack of deep relationships on the fact that we’re introverted or not being a “people person.” Perhaps all of those are true, but that doesn’t mean that we should just throw our hands up and give into a life of isolation.
I am very introverted by nature (I thrive and become refreshed/recharged by being alone), but in the nearly 15 years of being in ministry, I have forced myself to become more outgoing than I’m usually comfortable with. I’ve made it a priority to find others that I can build relationships with.
Why? Because when I started in ministry, I realized very quickly that I would never survive if I stayed on an island.
I had no idea what I was doing and I had no one to ask for help. The only way I would succeed would be in finding others who I could lean on for guidance or who could help me up when I metaphorically fell down.
So it became a challenge. Who could I connect with to learn from? What sort of relational network could I build?
If I attended a conference, I made it a point to meet the people leading and presenting classes, so I could have a network of “subject matter experts” I could call for advice.
When my pastor was scheduled to speak at other churches, I would reach out before and after to build relationships with those teams there. After all, it helps set them up for success when they know ahead of time what does or doesn’t make my pastor comfortable when he travels. And it was relatively common for my pastor to return from speaking engagements with questions or new ideas based on what he experienced while traveling. Why not have an open conduit to people at those organizations I could quickly reach out to in order to gain insight as to what my pastor had experienced there?
My pastor has a deep network of close friends who he trusts, so I endeavored to connect with techs at those churches also. If they were doing something successfully that I wanted to implement, it gave those ideas credibility when I could point back to their success at a ministry my pastor was already closely familiar with and whose leadership I trusted.
I’m in a city with lots of large and successful churches, so I decided I would try to get to know as many of my peers as possible, knowing that regardless of any denominational differences, we’re all in relatively similar boats. And having that relational network has paid dividends on both sides of the fence many times over: there have been numerous times I’ve needed someone local to help bail me out when we had an equipment failure and I had to find a quick replacement, and we’ve been able to do also do that for others.
The result of all of this has been an incredible amount of value to me personally. I can’t imagine how difficult it would be to succeed in ministry without having a network of friends and peers that I could reach out to, whether for advice, support, or even just for encouragement when facing a difficult season.
Fortunately, there are now more (and easier) ways than ever to build relationships within the church tech and creative community.
It could be as easy as just a DM with someone you follow on Instagram or who you’ve seen posting in a Facebook group. It could be getting connected with existing networks of church creatives or even IT professionals. It could start by meeting presenters at one of the many great church conferences that happen each year or becoming part of their relational networks or cohorts. It could even begin by reaching out to the church down the street.
Regardless of the how and where, the importance is the why. We need relational networks within our industry and we can’t survive without them. We need specific people we can lean on, not just a generic “online community” we can post within.
Our roles can be incredibly challenging and overwhelming, and the workload breeds stress, anxiety, and loneliness.
God has built us to be relational beings, regardless of how introverted we may see ourselves. We can’t live happy, fulfilled, successful lives without having others close by. The Bible has known for years what Harvard has been trying to prove: we can’t be healthy individuals without healthy relationships!
So, what steps can you take to do this? Don’t wait on someone to come find you; go and find someone you can connect with, and do it today!
