Shutterstock
You're exhausted. You’ve put in over 40 hours this week and it’s only Wednesday. Yet the requests just keep coming.
How are you supposed to keep up? You are dangerously close to burning out, but there is no relief in sight.
Common advice says we have to learn to say "no." But often we feel like we can’t—especially at work.
Most of us who are successful at what we do didn’t get there by refusing to do the job. We stay late, work through lunch, answer emails at all hours, and never notice how our lack of boundaries impacts how we feel until we are really, really miserable.
We know we need to say "no," but how are we supposed to do that without getting fired?
Sometimes, it’s all about the words.
Here are 12 ways to say"‘no" while keeping it professional:
I would like to help you with that, but have some competing priorities. Could you help me figure out how this fits in with the others?
There is a good chance that leadership has no clue how much time they just asked you for. Plus, they don’t know the time commitment for your other responsibilities (even if they are the ones who assigned them). Agreeing that you are willing to do the task diffuses any sense of resistance; and asking for help, enlists our bosses in aligning what needs to be done with the resources available.
I don’t have the bandwidth to take that on. Let’s brainstorm another way we can get this done.
Sometimes no amount of prioritizing is going to help us fit a task into an already overburdened production schedule. Just saying "no" can launch a negotiation with the other person into how you might possibly fit it in. By redirecting the conversation to focus on other resources, you create new possibilities that don’t involve you. Plus, you get the added benefit of being seen as a solution opener rather than a door closer.
That request may require more resources than I have available at the moment. Can I think it through and get back to you tomorrow?
Sometimes, you don’t know how much time something will take and you need to buy time to evaluate. Including a timeframe keeps people from feeling as if they are being blown off. (Of course, you absolutely have to deliver your response in the timeframe you promise.) Taking a window to think about something can usually give you a more confident framework when you need to say no.
I can’t create this, but I would be happy to review it.
Sometimes the best way to say no is to offer to participate without being the creator of something. We trade a large time-commitment for a smaller one. Other versions of this strategy include: While I can’t lead the big project, I’d be happy to contribute this small task; or while I can’t organize the event, I’d be happy to promote it.
It’s so cool that you thought of me for that, but in order to pull it off, I’d have to say no to other things that are a priority right now.
Being presented with good opportunities that are not aligned with your highest goals can be tricky--especially if asked by someone we respect. Our tone has to acknowledge the value of the opportunity, and placing the qualifier “right now” in the mix lets the offerer know that we aren’t dismissing it completely. (Of course, if we know we are never going to be interested, we should leave that qualifier off.) If appropriate, offer to come up with ideas of comparable candidates and send the list the same week.
I’m trying to land something right now. Could we grab coffee later?
One of the most important uses of the word "no" at work is in preventing random conversations from impacting our ability to complete tasks during work hours. That doesn’t mean that social conversations aren’t important. In fact, they can be vital in maintaining healthy relationships on the team. We simply need a strategy for keeping them in check when we need to. So, defer the conversation and keep getting things done.
What’s my role in this meeting?
Meetings can consume huge chunks of our work day, and often we are included when it isn’t strategic for us to be there. When we respond to a meeting request by clarifying our role in that meeting, sometimes the person asking realizes we don’t need to be there. (Another spin on this is to say no to every meeting that doesn’t have a clear goal to be achieved in the timeslot.)
Thank you for sharing that suggestion. We’re already committed to a different path.
Leaders are responsible to make the call, and that requires saying "no" to all of the other options. (Did you know that the word "decide" is from the Latin root decidere, which is a combination of two words meaning to "cut off"? We literally cut off the other options.) When we have to say no to someone else’s ideas, it is often best to resist the temptation to argue the merits of our own, and just confirm a path has already been chosen.
I’m sorry. I’ve overcommitted and have to drop this ball. (This one works better if you walk in with a plan.)
Have you ever committed to something only to realize it was a huge mistake? Many times we just soldier on, building resentment when the better strategy would be to quit. The key to this method of saying "no" is to walk in with a plan either with the agreement of someone who will take our place or another creative solution that eliminates our position entirely. This path requires some time to execute, but can produce the biggest win in alleviating a time and energy drain.
We can’t fit that into our current production schedule, but it would be a great idea for the next series (or holiday, or next year).
Making commitments is about more than time and manpower. Often there is an energy cost, and we know inside of us when that “one more thing” will tank our team or ourselves. We don’t always have to say "no" to avoid this. Sometimes, we can just defer.
This sounds great, but is it the best investment?
Another option to saying "no," is learning to ask a better question than the one we are being asked. I once presented a marketing initiative that required a $10,000 budget. My boss was brilliant in his response. He didn’t say no. He simply asked, “If we are going to spend the $10,000, is this the most strategic way we could spend it to reach our goal?” As we brainstormed other ways to spend that money, I realized there were far better investments. (It’s always better if you can get the person who is asking you the question to be the one who supplies the "no.")
[Silence]
Far too many times we are not being asked to contribute anything at all, yet we jump in with a solution that contributes our time and energy when we don’t have those resources to give. Just because we have the skills that are needed doesn’t mean we have to be the one to supply them. Sometimes, the best way to say no is simply not to volunteer.
There are lots of ways to say "no" professionally.
We often don’t say no because we hate to admit we aren’t Superman. But there are big advantages to being seen without our cape.
The biggest one is the relief that comes from not burning out.
