The unfortunate reality of life is that things rarely go as planned. Expectations aren’t met, disappointment creeps in, and we all feel a measure of pain or failure.
It could be from a relationship. It could be from an issue at work. It could be emotional. It could be literal pain from a sickness or injury.
But the fact is, because we’re human, there are going to be seasons where we’re not operating at our best level.
For those of us in leadership, there’s a tremendous weight on how we handle ourselves in those moments. As stewards of a team, whether staff or volunteer, we’re never able to look at a situation strictly through the lens of how it affects us as an individual. We always also carry the responsibility of nurturing a team, even when we ourselves may be struggling.
For any leader walking through a season of pain or hardship, it’s a difficult but necessary decision to take a big-picture perspective. Nothing impacts just me, and how I handle myself through those challenging seasons will ultimately paint a picture of how I want my team to handle their own seasons of difficulty.
Here are eight keystones that should be embraced by any ministry leader as they walk through challenging seasons of life.
1-Remain unafraid to share your pain with those closest to you
Life was never intended to be lived in a vacuum. We will never reach our full potential without surround ourselves with others who can help us through the journey of life. Whether they’re in place to help us when we fall (Ecclesiastes) or to help us with the personal healing process (James), or just to flat-out provide counsel and guidance (Psalms and Proverbs), the Bible is full of passages that underscore the importance of having people around us.
Sometimes as technicians, we feel that we have to present an invulnerable front. I can solve every problem, I can fix every machine, I can make everything happen, and I’m going to be perfect all the time, no matter what the cost.
... if I admit a weakness, will I still be good enough for my role?
This has the unfortunate side effect of nurturing the lie that we should be self-sufficient and never share weaknesses with others. It’s like we’re afraid to open up because of an insecurity that has developed: if I admit a weakness, will I still be good enough for my role?
On the contrary. The best thing we can ever do is share with trusted advisors when we’re going through a challenge. Whether it’s physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, relational, or something else entirely, chances are that our struggle will ultimately impact our actions and words at some level.
Being transparent with others is critical so that they can help shepherd us through those difficult seasons.
2-Understand your weaknesses and ask for help
We all have weak spots and areas where we’re more prone to struggle. It could be as simple as a tendency to overwork and under-sleep, or it could be something deeper like a recurring struggle with temptation.
But self-awareness is one of the most valuable tools in a leader’s toolkit. In order for me to be effective, I have to know where my weaknesses are.
From a practical standpoint, this is necessary so that I can ensure that others with complementary skill sets are around me so that their strengths offset my weaknesses. Beyond that, though, I can’t go around all day pretending like everything is fine, when everyone else around me knows there’s an issue of some sort.
It reminds me of the idea of the “Emperor’s New Clothes,” where he was naked and everyone knew it but him.
Am I that kind of leader, where I try so hard to cover up my own issues thru avoidance or denial and undermine my own credibility in the process? Or can I operate out of humility, being willing to bring others into the picture to help me in areas where I need it?
I’ll never be able to do everything on my own, and the best thing I can do sometimes is admit it quickly and call for reinforcements. Self-awareness is critical as a leader in pain.
3-Remember that your judgment is likely clouded by emotion
Maybe I was offended because my idea wasn’t heeded. Or I’m upset because I was asked to redo something I’ve worked on for a very long time. Maybe I’m just super stressed because of the workload during a busy season at work and the extra weight I feel from a spouse at home.
But when I’m not healthy, voices other than the Holy Spirit tend to speak more loudly. When my body and mind are weak, my physical cravings and emotional imbalances often rule my actions, because I just don’t have the spiritual strength to fight back and do the “right thing.”
I snap at people easier. My responses are less life-giving. I may become grumpier or more defiant.
It’s like that Snickers commercial about being “hangry”: you’re not you.
When I’m struggling, I have to understand that I’ll be tempted to make decisions (and respond) differently) than I would in a fully healthy season.
Knowing this, I have to be OK building in margin and forcing myself not to respond to everything in the heat of the moment.
Can I take a breath and step away before I respond to that conversation? Should I wait a few minutes until I respond to that text or email? Maybe I need to share my thoughts with a trusted colleague who can then help me filter out what’s appropriate so I don’t handle things the wrong way.
Even better, the best leaders going through pain still keep in touch with principles.
4-Live by principles that carry you through those painful situations
This is the importance of actually having life principles or values.
I don’t need the tenor of a situation determining who I am, what’s important, or how I respond. When I’m in times of solidity and consistency, I probably am pretty predictable in how I lead. There are probably clearly defined values or things that are important to me and my team.
If they’re important to have during the calm seasons, they’re doubly important to have in the crazy seasons.
Those principles are the anchors I cling to during a storm. Things like how I may prioritize certain relationships, or what I focus on for spiritual health, or filters to use when making important decisions.
Even though my world may be getting turned upside-down, it doesn’t mean that my decision-making process has to be.
Those things exist so that when things are crazy and seem like they’re falling apart, I don’t have to wonder what to do or how to make a decision. I just run it through the same filter I’ve always used.
Even though my world may be getting turned upside-down, it doesn’t mean that my decision-making process has to be.
This is vital, due to the team that I lead.
5-Know that others see how you respond to adversity
When I step into leadership, my life is no longer my own. Just like when I get married or have kids, I lose the right to only think of myself.
Instead, I’ve now adopted a position where everything I do has to be measured in regards to how it impacts the people around me.
For better or worse, everything I do as a leader has the ability to change my team. Remember, people do what people see.
And if they see me handling things well during adversity, like bringing in colleagues, having an open attitude, and reaching out for help, they’ll ultimately feel safe doing the same thing when they inevitably walk through a challenge of their own.
As a leader, I’m modeling the behavior I want my team to embody.
But conversely, if I keep everything bottled up, wear my emotions on my sleeve, ignore feedback or help, and snap at others, I will inevitably breed an environment of isolation and timidity, where people know that it’s not safe or OK to admit weakness or ask for help.
Ultimately those teams fall apart, because the teammates know that when they’re struggling, they can’t show it to the team, so they feel it’s in their best interests to leave and find that community and support elsewhere.
So, while it’s important to model healthy behavior during a crisis, I must also wisely use the calm before the storm as a way to prepare for the inevitable hardship.
6-Communicate vision and expectations so the team is prepared for your absence
As John Maxwell says, “When opportunity knocks, it’s too late to prepare.”
So, as a leader, I need to model the approach of how Jesus led his disciples. While he was around them, he did as much coaching and instructing as possible. He knew he wasn’t going to be around forever, so he needed to prepare them for his absence.
They didn’t just need to know what to do. They needed to know how to do it and why.
It’s the same for us. I can’t just keep handing off tasks blindly. I need to take time to provide the actual coaching and instruction necessary for others to make decisions.
At some point, I won’t be there. I may be on vacation. I might be out sick. My wife might be having a baby.
Whatever the case, when those moments happen, it’s already too late to start getting my team ready.
Do I have policies and procedures in place (such as checklists, job descriptions, etc.) that provide a full outline of duties that need to be handled if I can’t do them? Have I taken the time to personally mentor and coach key team members on how to lead when I’m not there?
If not, then things will likely be in worse shape upon my return than they were when I left. But if I’ve been an effective leader managing the journey, then when I am returning from my season of pain, I can empower others.
7-Empower teammates and then stay out of their way
My long-time good friend, the late and great Andrew Stone, would always caution that as a leader, sometimes my presence can overshadow someone else’s greatness.
Sometimes when I’m around, I end up doing all of the big things and making all of the key decisions. While I’m not doing it maliciously, it can have the negative impact of keeping other people from experiencing opportunities that could fuel them.
Maybe there’s someone around me with unrealized potential, just because they haven’t had the chances to step out of the shadows and show what they’re capable of.
But if I’m not able to function at my ideal level, the best thing to do after I’ve communicated vision and expectations is to step out of the way and let others drive the bus.
But if I’m not able to function at my ideal level, the best thing to do after I’ve communicated vision and expectations is to step out of the way and let others drive the bus.
Will they do it as well as I could? Probably not. Will someone need to go back behind them to fix things and clean up the mess? Possibly. Will their way of doing it keep people from going to heaven? Unlikely.
But my job as a leader is to give people an opportunity to succeed, even if that means failing a few times first. Failure is just an opportunity to learn, grow, and get better.
... my job as a leader is to give people an opportunity to succeed....
And if I’ve got a broken leg, what better time for an intern to learn how to re-gel the front wash? I can’t get in the lift anyway, so I might as well let him figure it out!
Even though it may be a challenging season for me, it may be an incredible opportunity of growth for someone else. I just have to turn my attention away from my pain and see how others can grow during it too.
8-Know that rushing and not resting will hurt both you and the team
The team needs to know that I feel confident in them. I need to take appropriate time to get myself healthy and back in the game. To short-circuit the process is to do everyone a disservice.
It’s like a star athlete that had a debilitating injury. To rush the recovery process not only runs the risk of more long-term damage (thus limiting his earning potential and the team’s future success), but it selfishly suggests that his operating at limited functionality is better than someone else operating at 100%.
Now, in some extreme cases (LeBron James, anyone?!), that may actually be true. But in ministry, it probably isn’t.
It’s hard sometimes to take a long-term perspective and know that I’m resting and resetting my focus now for a season--so that things will be better off down the road. Sometimes I miss being in the game so badly, I want to rush back at all costs because I miss it.
And that’s a normal response. But if I rush back, now I’m taking away opportunities from others who are at a critical stage of their growth. They still need time to develop their own skills.
Think about how healthy the team will be when that person has raised their ceiling and I’m back and operating at full capacity. We’ll be unstoppable!
Maybe then, with more teammates able to carry more weight, we’re able to more proactively address potential issues that could lead to pain or burnout or emotional issues.
Maybe I can use this challenging season as a way to learn and grow myself and my team to help ensure that it doesn’t happen again.
The best part about pain is the healing that comes afterwards. Just like a broken bone, we have the ability to heal and become even stronger than we were before our challenges arrived.
Maybe I can use this challenging season as a way to learn and grow myself and my team to help ensure that it doesn’t happen again.
At some level, pain is always a necessary part of growth. But I don’t want to repeat painful seasons due to an inability to learn the important lessons first time.
As a leader, growth isn’t optional, which means that pain isn’t optional either. It’s going to come to all of us. The question is, will I be ready?
